One of these days, I'll decide to be strong. I'll decide to stand up and re-enter the world of logic and reason, of foresight and long-term gain. But in my heart I find no such desire; nothing that allows me to let go or be okay.
How could you be okay? I hope you're lying.
It's disgusting actually, how I'd rather stay in this state of misery if it just means holding on to a tiny shred of hope of keeping you, than to let you slip away and maybe go back to being a happy me. I don't know if it's disgusting actually. I can hardly help it. Maybe this misery is beautiful. Maybe it's not desperate or weak or unwarranted. Maybe it is, I'm not really sure. No, I don't think it is. You're allowed to care and invest in things that are unsure. You're allowed to follow your heart.
True? Then why am I being directed otherwise? But then I trust You. And then I remember how bad it sucks. And then I remember I trust You.
It sucks. I trust You. I trust You. I trust You. I trust You. I trust You. It sucks! I trust You. I trust You. I trust You.
- With all but a shred of my heart.
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