One Billion. Correction: 11 Billion, haha.

Welcome to my world.

Ya, I think so.

No use forcin' it. It either comes and it's real, or it was never coming to begin with.

Full and Overflowing

One time I was listening to a podcast (Gone Fishing - Metropolitan Bible Church, free on iTunes) and it really spoke to me. Honestly, this doesn't happen often. There are only a handful of times where I can say that the sermon that was preached spoke directly to my life and impacted me so much that I was changed since I heard it. But this one did that. It was so relevant, so honest, so true, cut right through everything that was going on and made its way into my heart.

The content of the sermon isn't necessarily what matters to this story though. What happened after it was finished is the remarkable part.

Just minutes after the podcast finished, my friend called me. I often have a bad attitude towards this friend. They can sometimes rub me the wrong way making me a little rude, not willing to try to make things work and negative. They asked me a question that I had always hated hearing, always responded poorly to. The cool thing was my reaction was uncharacteristic of me. I was totally happy, totally unbothered, totally eager to help and go out of my way to make things work. I wasn't offended or annoyed or anything. I surprised myself, because I had no reason to be any different towards my friend than before, but I was. And I was happy to be - it felt good.

This has been a huge lesson to me. I think that spending time in God's word through someone's sermon, having (I don't want to say letting because I don't know what I did differently than what I do during any other sermon that I listen to), but having the words really have an impact on my life was the work of the Holy Spirit. I think that during that time, I was just renewed and filled with the Spirit, and because I was so full of Him, there was no room for myself left. I couldn't be selfish or angry or irritable, I was just content. It was so blatantly not me, so obviously something pouring out of me.

I long to be filled full of the Spirit that same way everyday. As much as I am a "good person," or so it seems, I am a different person when God is close and He takes over. Somehow, I need to capture this process so that I can ensure I allow God to fill me up everyday before I start my day, so that every action will be inspired by Him, and will inspire life and truth.

Just goes to show that you can't do it on your own, and that the power of the Holy Spirit is... empowering.

..

Tell me it's different this time.

Dr Seuss

Dr Seuss is rocking my world. He's genius!
His writing is almost like music; it's rhythmic and mathematical and flowing. It rolls off your tongue when you read it and it just works so good. He both planned it and carved it out perfectly. I love it! It feels so good in my head.
I didn't realize how many sayings he coined. They're such positive, quirky, catchy messages. I'm actually so inspired by this guy, haha. It's weird.
Check it out:
"And today the Great Yertle, that Marvelous he, is King of the Mud. That is all he can see."
“You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant?”
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.”
“Just tell yourself, Duckie, you're really quite lucky!” -- what does that even mean! Haha, I love it.
“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.”  

I am thoroughly amused and oddly inspired by these silly, rhyming children's stories.

Three Things

1. The pretend heartbeat they put inside Build-A-Bear stuffed animals.
2. Independent people.
3. Dr. Seuss.

Comment

I'm no more against gay people and abortions than I am against liars, cheaters, thieves, jealous, greedy or lustful people, my best friend, my father, or myself.

Why

Why?

I'm scared, that's why.

If Your Memory Serves You Well

Memories are weird things, eh? My best friend and I were talking about last summer today, and we were remembering days of what we did (because it was epic).
They come in still frames, mostly. It's like my mind took pictures periodically throughout the day, storing away moments to be revisited later. I can pick out the weirdest details from those pictures, things you didn't even notice at the time that are subconsciously stored away.
I use to be so scared to forget. I wrote in a journal everyday for at least 4 years so that at any point I could go back and relive one of those days. The night before every birthday was not filled with the excitement that is is for most kids. I never felt ready to move on to a new year, I wasn't done with the age I was. I never read those journals, well once in a while. But it brings back weird feelings, I don't really like it. It's the things my brain chose not to remember.
I think I wrote so much because I valued what happened each day. People got tired of my not-really-that-exciting days, and didn't care to hear the stories. But I cared. Things happened that are ingrained in history forever. I made choices and said words and went places that ripple affected who knows how many people.. That's a scary thought. Literally, you choose to make a left instead of going straight, somebody has to wait 5 seconds and the world is a different place than had you gone straight. That's kind of a weak example, but literally every smile, every word is history, never to be seen again. I'm a little disturbed by that, not being able to go back. I guess life balances itself out with the future. As many moments that are gone and irretrievable, there are still coming. Choices that I'm left to make, people to meet, places to go.
I don't know, I feel like it matters. Everyday, as uneventful as they can be.

On Fire

When everything inside me looks like everything I hate.
You are the hope I have for change,
You are the only chance I'll take.

I'm on fire when You're near me,
I'm on fire when You speak.
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries.