Let's be real here.
It's all I know how to be,
And yet all I'm avoiding.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Let Your Love Never Run Dry
You have to be one of the most broken people I've ever seen. And I don't blame you! You've been through more heartache than should be allowed in one lifetime. I hurt for you. I wish I could make it better, give something of myself to you, bear your burden, trade places. I wish I could, and it hurts not to be able to do anything about it.
I'm watching you struggle through this. Fighting to be understood, to be accepted, to be real. You find ways to feel better. Sometimes they're healthy, sometimes they're not. But you're looking to get better, you're trying out options, searching fiercely. Too bad it's not working for you. You can't fill the void, you can't handle the pain, you can't move on, or get better. You have almost exhausted every option. You are almost done.
I know what will fix it, if you would only believe me. If I could only show you, or put it in a way that you'd understand. I know the Ultimate Healer. I know the One who knows your heart, and knows exactly what you need, and how much and when and how and why. I know who will fix you, who will complete your search.
I've watched Him rescue people time and time again from pains and struggles, from heartache, brokenness, emptiness, loneliness. He's the One. He's the only way.
I feel the need to show you, and I can't really figure out how. But God knows the situation. He knows your heart cry. I'm just trusting Him to use His love to speak to you. To let me love you with a love that isn't of this world, that you won't feel from anyone else, that will satisfy that need for acceptance and love that you are desperately searching for. I hate your brokenness, but there's beauty in it. There's hope, potential.
I'm watching you struggle through this. Fighting to be understood, to be accepted, to be real. You find ways to feel better. Sometimes they're healthy, sometimes they're not. But you're looking to get better, you're trying out options, searching fiercely. Too bad it's not working for you. You can't fill the void, you can't handle the pain, you can't move on, or get better. You have almost exhausted every option. You are almost done.
I know what will fix it, if you would only believe me. If I could only show you, or put it in a way that you'd understand. I know the Ultimate Healer. I know the One who knows your heart, and knows exactly what you need, and how much and when and how and why. I know who will fix you, who will complete your search.
I've watched Him rescue people time and time again from pains and struggles, from heartache, brokenness, emptiness, loneliness. He's the One. He's the only way.
I feel the need to show you, and I can't really figure out how. But God knows the situation. He knows your heart cry. I'm just trusting Him to use His love to speak to you. To let me love you with a love that isn't of this world, that you won't feel from anyone else, that will satisfy that need for acceptance and love that you are desperately searching for. I hate your brokenness, but there's beauty in it. There's hope, potential.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Watching
I'm the first born.
Your stereotypical, stubborn, independent, academic first child.
Whether there was someone coming after me or not, I carved a path. I left my mark. I took steps and chose directions that defined me. But those decisions also defined what it was to be a child in my family.
I bumped shoulders and pushed my way through strict rules and the paranoid parenting strategy of "I've never done this before!" The rules bent, the expectations began to changed until my parents and I came to an understanding of what was expected from both parties, and thus we live in peace.
Then comes the second child.
Social, fun-loving, impulsive and desperately unique.
She is under the standard that I have set. It's inevitable that my growing up in this family defined what was then on expected from a child of this family.
I'm watching as she is fiercely fighting those expectations. Screaming to be heard as an individual.
In my mind, it parallels a butterfly hatching from its cocoon. She is the butterfly, delicate and raw. Recently submerged in the fluid of freedom and individuality. She is surrounded and contained by a tough shell of who she is told to be. The interests she's told to hold, the behavior she's told to carry out. Even the opportunities she's presented with fall under the shadow of the path I've already shaped.
She is breaking the skin. She is clawing at the shell. She is seeking the light.
To be exposed and for her beauty to be compared to the world, only to find there is none like it.
She is nothing like me. Her beauty is much her own. Her interests are not my interests. Her character is uniquely her, and there is no part of me in that.
It's the fight to be recognized as an individual. To break all expectations. To ignore what you're supposed to do, and to instead courageously follow your heart to find what you are.
How dare we hold her back.
How dare we push her down a path someone else carved.
How dare we deprive her of the right to step in her own direction, carving a path of her own.
How dare we stifle her beauty and hide it from the world.
Your stereotypical, stubborn, independent, academic first child.
Whether there was someone coming after me or not, I carved a path. I left my mark. I took steps and chose directions that defined me. But those decisions also defined what it was to be a child in my family.
I bumped shoulders and pushed my way through strict rules and the paranoid parenting strategy of "I've never done this before!" The rules bent, the expectations began to changed until my parents and I came to an understanding of what was expected from both parties, and thus we live in peace.
Then comes the second child.
Social, fun-loving, impulsive and desperately unique.
She is under the standard that I have set. It's inevitable that my growing up in this family defined what was then on expected from a child of this family.
I'm watching as she is fiercely fighting those expectations. Screaming to be heard as an individual.
In my mind, it parallels a butterfly hatching from its cocoon. She is the butterfly, delicate and raw. Recently submerged in the fluid of freedom and individuality. She is surrounded and contained by a tough shell of who she is told to be. The interests she's told to hold, the behavior she's told to carry out. Even the opportunities she's presented with fall under the shadow of the path I've already shaped.
She is breaking the skin. She is clawing at the shell. She is seeking the light.
To be exposed and for her beauty to be compared to the world, only to find there is none like it.
She is nothing like me. Her beauty is much her own. Her interests are not my interests. Her character is uniquely her, and there is no part of me in that.
It's the fight to be recognized as an individual. To break all expectations. To ignore what you're supposed to do, and to instead courageously follow your heart to find what you are.
How dare we hold her back.
How dare we push her down a path someone else carved.
How dare we deprive her of the right to step in her own direction, carving a path of her own.
How dare we stifle her beauty and hide it from the world.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Writer's Craft
I'm so scared you're gonna shut me down.
I'm so scared you're gonna crush me.
I'm not sure I'm strong enough to withstand your criticism.
I'm not sure I'll believe in myself if you don't believe in me.
Your words weigh too much.
They're too blunt, too honest.
Uncushioned, unreserved.
You're going to cut through me,
I can see it now.
As long as you promise to build me back up again.
As long as you leave me with enough to bounce back,
Then I trust you.
I'm so scared you're gonna crush me.
I'm not sure I'm strong enough to withstand your criticism.
I'm not sure I'll believe in myself if you don't believe in me.
Your words weigh too much.
They're too blunt, too honest.
Uncushioned, unreserved.
You're going to cut through me,
I can see it now.
As long as you promise to build me back up again.
As long as you leave me with enough to bounce back,
Then I trust you.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Newsfeed
I'm just a little sick of reading statuses in my facebook newsfeed of people bragging about the fact that they were smashed the other night.
That just screams their desire to be recognized for taking part in that teenage ritual.
Maybe sick of it is not the right thing to say. Frustrated. Sad.
I'm not sure if I'm one of the only ones who sees through it. Like does everyone else on facebook just fall for it and give that person more respect now, or do they see the weakness behind it. The pressure, the expectation, the status.
Blind.
That just screams their desire to be recognized for taking part in that teenage ritual.
Maybe sick of it is not the right thing to say. Frustrated. Sad.
I'm not sure if I'm one of the only ones who sees through it. Like does everyone else on facebook just fall for it and give that person more respect now, or do they see the weakness behind it. The pressure, the expectation, the status.
Blind.
I'm on a song lyric kick
I'm not sure how to introduce this. They're old feelings. Not dead feelings.
It's about.. Ya, I got nothing. Just read it.
I feel so helpless now, my guitar is not around
And I'm struggling with the xylophone to make these feelings sound
I'm remembering you singing, and I'm bringing you to life
It's raining out my window and today it looks like night
You haven't written to me in a week, I'm wondering why that is
Are you too nervous to be lovers, friendship ruined with just one kiss
I watched you very closely and I saw you look away
Your eyes are either gray or blue,
I'm never close enough to say
Your sweatshirt says it all, with your hood over your face
I can't keep staring at your mouth without wondering how it tastes
I'm with another boy, he's asleep, I'm wide awake
He's tried to win my heart, but it's taken time
I know the shape of your hands, 'cause I watch them when you talk
I know the shape of your body, 'cause I watch it when you walk
I want to know it all, but I'm giving you the lead
So go on, go on and take it
Don't fake it. Shake it.
Don't second guess your feelings, you were right from the start
I notice she's your lover, but she's no where near your heart
This city is for strangers like the sky is for the stars
I think it's very dangerous if we do not take what's ours
I'm winning you with words, because I have no other way
I want to look into your face without your eyes turning away
Last night I watched you sing, because a person has to try
I walked home in the rain because a person cannot lie
Gray or Blue - Jaymay
It's about.. Ya, I got nothing. Just read it.
I feel so helpless now, my guitar is not around
And I'm struggling with the xylophone to make these feelings sound
I'm remembering you singing, and I'm bringing you to life
It's raining out my window and today it looks like night
You haven't written to me in a week, I'm wondering why that is
Are you too nervous to be lovers, friendship ruined with just one kiss
I watched you very closely and I saw you look away
Your eyes are either gray or blue,
I'm never close enough to say
Your sweatshirt says it all, with your hood over your face
I can't keep staring at your mouth without wondering how it tastes
I'm with another boy, he's asleep, I'm wide awake
He's tried to win my heart, but it's taken time
I know the shape of your hands, 'cause I watch them when you talk
I know the shape of your body, 'cause I watch it when you walk
I want to know it all, but I'm giving you the lead
So go on, go on and take it
Don't fake it. Shake it.
Don't second guess your feelings, you were right from the start
I notice she's your lover, but she's no where near your heart
This city is for strangers like the sky is for the stars
I think it's very dangerous if we do not take what's ours
I'm winning you with words, because I have no other way
I want to look into your face without your eyes turning away
Last night I watched you sing, because a person has to try
I walked home in the rain because a person cannot lie
Gray or Blue - Jaymay
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