When everything inside me looks like everything I hate.
You are the hope I have for change,
You are the only chance I'll take.
I'm on fire when You're near me,
I'm on fire when You speak.
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Monday, December 27, 2010
I love Aslan.
C.S. Lewis does a brilliant job of portraying Aslan. It awakens something inside of me, a deep love and appreciation for his character. He is so powerful and strong, all the Narnians call on him to help them when they can't conquer something on their own. He gives wonderful gifts of miraculous abilities and thoughtful characteristics. His gentleness is so beautiful, and his connection with Lucy - how she runs and buries her face in his mane knowing all well his might. I think that's what makes him - his simultaneous ferocity and gentleness. The perfect balance and beauty in his complexity. He's just so deeply good, and rules supreme with a gentleness and humility that I don't see anywhere else.
I want to be on his side, I want to fight for him. I want his approval and his love. I feel like it's all that matters. I'm not talking about a lion in a movie, I'm talking about who he represents: God. I just wouldn't be afraid with him around, I'd feel safe. And even when he holds back, knowing he's there watching waiting for the right time to jump in and save me.
I can't really explain it. My soul just longs for Him. It doesn't make sense how much I love him and recognize his position, and yet I forget him so often. But things like this movie, certain songs or things I read, or some nights when I just can't figure life out, I just really long for him, I really want him close.
It's a loneliness no person has filled, it's a hope to face each new day, it's a purpose that goes deeper than success, it's a peace that my life is in his control. Man, I love him. He is so good!
Life is only good with him. Can't live without him.
I love you Aslan.
I want to be on his side, I want to fight for him. I want his approval and his love. I feel like it's all that matters. I'm not talking about a lion in a movie, I'm talking about who he represents: God. I just wouldn't be afraid with him around, I'd feel safe. And even when he holds back, knowing he's there watching waiting for the right time to jump in and save me.
I can't really explain it. My soul just longs for Him. It doesn't make sense how much I love him and recognize his position, and yet I forget him so often. But things like this movie, certain songs or things I read, or some nights when I just can't figure life out, I just really long for him, I really want him close.
It's a loneliness no person has filled, it's a hope to face each new day, it's a purpose that goes deeper than success, it's a peace that my life is in his control. Man, I love him. He is so good!
Life is only good with him. Can't live without him.
I love you Aslan.
Story Of My Life Today
what's the worst thing that could happen
we find out that we don't quite fit
but on the flip side, we could be just right
and sure there's the chance
that we'll both end up broken and split
but that's my kind of risk
i'm not trying to make you think
this is some kind of great big deal
i just know exactly how you feel
I'm not sure that's my kind of risk.
we find out that we don't quite fit
but on the flip side, we could be just right
and sure there's the chance
that we'll both end up broken and split
but that's my kind of risk
i'm not trying to make you think
this is some kind of great big deal
i just know exactly how you feel
I'm not sure that's my kind of risk.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Jesus Break Down, By Paul
Paul's life was ridiculous. I can't get over it. He gets like chased out of cities, stoned, miraculously freed from prison and even how he came to know Jesus is actually incredible.
In Acts 17:22-32, Paul speaks to the Gentiles. I'm no history know-it-all, but the Gentiles as I understand were everyone who didn't consider themselves Jewish. Honestly, I hardly know what that means, haha. But I know that Jesus coming to earth bridged the gap and allowed faith in God to reach now everyone - Jews and Gentiles.
So Paul's in this city where the people are not Christians, so they don't know about Jesus or follow His way of life. Realistically, he's standing up in front of a bunch of people who believe something completely different than him and telling them about Jesus. I'd be scared to do that. Even in my English class, some people are so fiercely against Jesus. Well, it's more like people are against "Christianity." But I say - it's not what you think. Pretty uncomfortable situation, but that's his whole goal: to go into places where they don't serve Jesus and present Jesus and the Truth. I shouldn't call it his goal, it was God's goal and God inspired and empowered Paul to do it.
This is what Paul tells the Areopagus people (the people who don't believe in Jesus, but have lots of philosophies on life, similar to today!):
[This is my interpretation. Look up Acts 17:22-32 for God's exact words]
Hey guys! I can tell you all follow some religious standards, because as I was walking here, I was looking at the objects that you worship. I found this one altar with the inscription: To the unknown god. What you worship as unknown, I will show you in reality. The God who made the world and everything in it, as in the Lord (ruler) over heaven and earth, doesn't live in places that have been built by human hands, neither is he helped or served by humans hands as if He needed anything, because God gives to all people life and breath and everything. He populated the whole world from one man, having set all of the laws of nature, so that they would seek God, with the hope that they might feel their way toward Him and find Him. (I love that line). But he's actually quite close to each one of us, for even your Greek philosophers claim that "In him we live and move and have our being," and your own poets have said "For we are indeed his offspring." If we are then created by God, then God can't be thought of as a gold, silver or stone statue, an image that was created by the art and imagination of humans. (Because if we are made in God's image, and we are such complex and wonderful beings, God must be so much more than a material statue). The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now, (since Jesus has been to earth, and these people have been presented with Jesus) he commands everyone, everywhere to recognize their sins and ask for forgiveness, because he has planned a day on which he will judge the world based on his standard, by someone whom he has chosen; (Jesus, the only person worthy to judge anyone. Because He's perfect and He's God) and God has assured us that he's the right guy because God raised him from the dead.
That's the low down on Jesus, and God and the Bible. Not so condemning and ridiculous as it is thought of, eh? It's quite hopeful actually.
In Acts 17:22-32, Paul speaks to the Gentiles. I'm no history know-it-all, but the Gentiles as I understand were everyone who didn't consider themselves Jewish. Honestly, I hardly know what that means, haha. But I know that Jesus coming to earth bridged the gap and allowed faith in God to reach now everyone - Jews and Gentiles.
So Paul's in this city where the people are not Christians, so they don't know about Jesus or follow His way of life. Realistically, he's standing up in front of a bunch of people who believe something completely different than him and telling them about Jesus. I'd be scared to do that. Even in my English class, some people are so fiercely against Jesus. Well, it's more like people are against "Christianity." But I say - it's not what you think. Pretty uncomfortable situation, but that's his whole goal: to go into places where they don't serve Jesus and present Jesus and the Truth. I shouldn't call it his goal, it was God's goal and God inspired and empowered Paul to do it.
This is what Paul tells the Areopagus people (the people who don't believe in Jesus, but have lots of philosophies on life, similar to today!):
[This is my interpretation. Look up Acts 17:22-32 for God's exact words]
Hey guys! I can tell you all follow some religious standards, because as I was walking here, I was looking at the objects that you worship. I found this one altar with the inscription: To the unknown god. What you worship as unknown, I will show you in reality. The God who made the world and everything in it, as in the Lord (ruler) over heaven and earth, doesn't live in places that have been built by human hands, neither is he helped or served by humans hands as if He needed anything, because God gives to all people life and breath and everything. He populated the whole world from one man, having set all of the laws of nature, so that they would seek God, with the hope that they might feel their way toward Him and find Him. (I love that line). But he's actually quite close to each one of us, for even your Greek philosophers claim that "In him we live and move and have our being," and your own poets have said "For we are indeed his offspring." If we are then created by God, then God can't be thought of as a gold, silver or stone statue, an image that was created by the art and imagination of humans. (Because if we are made in God's image, and we are such complex and wonderful beings, God must be so much more than a material statue). The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now, (since Jesus has been to earth, and these people have been presented with Jesus) he commands everyone, everywhere to recognize their sins and ask for forgiveness, because he has planned a day on which he will judge the world based on his standard, by someone whom he has chosen; (Jesus, the only person worthy to judge anyone. Because He's perfect and He's God) and God has assured us that he's the right guy because God raised him from the dead.
That's the low down on Jesus, and God and the Bible. Not so condemning and ridiculous as it is thought of, eh? It's quite hopeful actually.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I always wanted to put this in words..
I want to be inside my favorite song.
I'm sitting somewhere where I don't want to be, doing something I don't want to do. But my ipod is in, and it's playing my favorite song and it feels so good. I just want to be consumed by the music, be totally washed over and covered in it. Lost in it, where there's nothing else going on. No body but me, no time, no plans, no destination.
I'd like to step inside the song. I think it would be black there, but a beautiful, deep, familiar and pleasing dark. The song is memorized, its turns and builds and breaks and waves. I have deemed it my favorite, given it a special place. Played it over and over again, in different situations, each time adding new meaning to the words or reassuring what has always rung true in them. It has won my heart over, for now at least. Everyone knows that favorite songs don't last long. Circumstances change, the song gets overplayed, a new singer comes along, a new favorite song. Eventually I will hear it again, and along with its being played, comes the emotions and memories from somewhere inside that are attached to it. I don't often like to look back. It's uncomfortable. It's a fortunate thing if I've managed to move on at all.
But for now, it brings only happiness and pleasure to my ears. If only the entire world would melt away, leaving me alone in the dark depth of the music I choose.
That's all I want right now.
If everything is Yours, everything is Yours.
I can let it go, it was never mine to hold.
I'm sitting somewhere where I don't want to be, doing something I don't want to do. But my ipod is in, and it's playing my favorite song and it feels so good. I just want to be consumed by the music, be totally washed over and covered in it. Lost in it, where there's nothing else going on. No body but me, no time, no plans, no destination.
I'd like to step inside the song. I think it would be black there, but a beautiful, deep, familiar and pleasing dark. The song is memorized, its turns and builds and breaks and waves. I have deemed it my favorite, given it a special place. Played it over and over again, in different situations, each time adding new meaning to the words or reassuring what has always rung true in them. It has won my heart over, for now at least. Everyone knows that favorite songs don't last long. Circumstances change, the song gets overplayed, a new singer comes along, a new favorite song. Eventually I will hear it again, and along with its being played, comes the emotions and memories from somewhere inside that are attached to it. I don't often like to look back. It's uncomfortable. It's a fortunate thing if I've managed to move on at all.
But for now, it brings only happiness and pleasure to my ears. If only the entire world would melt away, leaving me alone in the dark depth of the music I choose.
That's all I want right now.
If everything is Yours, everything is Yours.
I can let it go, it was never mine to hold.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Korean Conflict
I don't know much about politics and wars and all that, but I heard that I should be concerned about what's going on in Korea. Just because of the alliances and stuff, the States could be in danger, and apparently a genius plan to get at the States is to attack Canada! Sweet deal.
Check out this verse though:
Matt 24:6
You will hear of wars and rumors of war. See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet.
I am so often blinded and distracted by this world, and I forget the bigger picture. I forget heaven and hell, angels and demons, that Jesus is coming back and it's going to be ridiculous because it's outside of our world. I even forget about sin and God too often.
I've always wanted to experience something out of this world, supernatural, haven't you?
The Spirit of God can empower people to do miraculous things, but there are other powers out there, often evil ones that can accomplish similar tasks as well. But one day we will! If you hear a loud trumpet, and a bunch of people are taken away, then you can be sure that they've gone to heaven and you've just experienced something supernaturally epic.
Check out this verse though:
Matt 24:6
You will hear of wars and rumors of war. See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet.
I am so often blinded and distracted by this world, and I forget the bigger picture. I forget heaven and hell, angels and demons, that Jesus is coming back and it's going to be ridiculous because it's outside of our world. I even forget about sin and God too often.
I've always wanted to experience something out of this world, supernatural, haven't you?
The Spirit of God can empower people to do miraculous things, but there are other powers out there, often evil ones that can accomplish similar tasks as well. But one day we will! If you hear a loud trumpet, and a bunch of people are taken away, then you can be sure that they've gone to heaven and you've just experienced something supernaturally epic.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Mithridate
Generally how this works is, I always start with no direction or purpose really but end up having a lot to say.
Idea: I'm going to type in "word of the day" in google, and whatever comes up, I'll write about it. Cool beans, here we go..
The word of the day is: mithridate - A confection believed to contain an antidote to every poison.
I'm not really feelin' that one. No wait, let's see what I got..
Why doesn't anybody use this? Why have I never even heard of this? All those people who died because they couldn't read the WHMIS signs. I don't think Shakespeare ever heard of that one, or else there would be no Romeo and Juliet, or rather there would be. And Hamlet's father that was killed with some poison in his ears by his brother, things could have continued nicely. Hamlet would still be at University and his relationship with Ophelia would have been just fine. Someone should notify the doctors about this one. They should keep some on hand. I wonder what the side affects are, or if it tastes bad or something.
I looked it up on google. Apparently it's practically impossible to mix. It's got like 54 ingredients and some quantities are as small as 1/16 denarius, which I'm assuming is like microscopic. That's why they say its from the gods, because only they could measure that. Interesting.. a little. I want to get my hands on some of that. Actually, that's a lie. I don't even care past this paragraph. I'm gonna use that though, mithridate. I'll bring it up in some conversation.
That wasn't quite as successful as I had hoped, but whatever. I think I'm the only person that finds pleasure in this blog anyway, so I'm going to continue speaking randomness and enjoying it.
Lay-tuh-er duh-ay-yuh-zz. Mad Gab that one out.
Idea: I'm going to type in "word of the day" in google, and whatever comes up, I'll write about it. Cool beans, here we go..
The word of the day is: mithridate - A confection believed to contain an antidote to every poison.
I'm not really feelin' that one. No wait, let's see what I got..
Why doesn't anybody use this? Why have I never even heard of this? All those people who died because they couldn't read the WHMIS signs. I don't think Shakespeare ever heard of that one, or else there would be no Romeo and Juliet, or rather there would be. And Hamlet's father that was killed with some poison in his ears by his brother, things could have continued nicely. Hamlet would still be at University and his relationship with Ophelia would have been just fine. Someone should notify the doctors about this one. They should keep some on hand. I wonder what the side affects are, or if it tastes bad or something.
I looked it up on google. Apparently it's practically impossible to mix. It's got like 54 ingredients and some quantities are as small as 1/16 denarius, which I'm assuming is like microscopic. That's why they say its from the gods, because only they could measure that. Interesting.. a little. I want to get my hands on some of that. Actually, that's a lie. I don't even care past this paragraph. I'm gonna use that though, mithridate. I'll bring it up in some conversation.
That wasn't quite as successful as I had hoped, but whatever. I think I'm the only person that finds pleasure in this blog anyway, so I'm going to continue speaking randomness and enjoying it.
Lay-tuh-er duh-ay-yuh-zz. Mad Gab that one out.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sigh
I didn't really mean for this blog to be completely God centered. That's just how it turned out so far, which is fine, really. But today I'm feeling something different.
So... let's just vent, since this is my blog and I can say what I want.
I'm upset, and overwhelmed. I'm supposed to lead my worship team, but I'm not a good leader, I think that's just what it comes down to. I don't have that commanding presence, I don't have a loud voice, and I hate yelling at people to get their attention. I literally just need people to respect me and be attentive enough to automatically give me the attention I need in order to lead. I have leader ideas, I have a leader heart and the passion that makes for a good leader but the actual carrying out of that leadership I'm such a fail at! It sucks. I guess that's just part of life, like the figuring out of where you fit, how you work, what your position is in different systems. I don't know if anyone is ever what they want to be.
[side note: no matter how upset you are, it never makes sense to put anything that hints towards that in your facebook status. People are feens.]
Anyways, so after the fail of a music practice, I just shut down internally. You can read it on my face, which is unfortunate and I should probably learn to hide it, but that didn't happen. It's really difficult, maybe impossible to worship when your heart's in the wrong place like that. I just thought that it sucked that it was my responsibility and I just couldn't accomplish it. Yaah...
Another thing is that a bunch of the people around me are going through intensely hard stuff. Like drugs, smoking, family members going to jail, assault, depression and desperation. It's not taking it's toll on me yet, because it's relatively recent, so I still have a decent amount of stamina left, but still it's hard to be on the outside of the issue. I often don't know what to do. Like I mentioned before though, all I can do is pray, and that's not even a last resort - or at least it shouldn't be. And then I'm also confused of why I am sheltered from all this? Like, I've just been spared from almost all badness that affects most of the people I know. My life's easy, I've got no problems, besides other people's problems. I live in a bubble. Bleeeeh, I don't know. Frustrated.
So... let's just vent, since this is my blog and I can say what I want.
I'm upset, and overwhelmed. I'm supposed to lead my worship team, but I'm not a good leader, I think that's just what it comes down to. I don't have that commanding presence, I don't have a loud voice, and I hate yelling at people to get their attention. I literally just need people to respect me and be attentive enough to automatically give me the attention I need in order to lead. I have leader ideas, I have a leader heart and the passion that makes for a good leader but the actual carrying out of that leadership I'm such a fail at! It sucks. I guess that's just part of life, like the figuring out of where you fit, how you work, what your position is in different systems. I don't know if anyone is ever what they want to be.
[side note: no matter how upset you are, it never makes sense to put anything that hints towards that in your facebook status. People are feens.]
Anyways, so after the fail of a music practice, I just shut down internally. You can read it on my face, which is unfortunate and I should probably learn to hide it, but that didn't happen. It's really difficult, maybe impossible to worship when your heart's in the wrong place like that. I just thought that it sucked that it was my responsibility and I just couldn't accomplish it. Yaah...
Another thing is that a bunch of the people around me are going through intensely hard stuff. Like drugs, smoking, family members going to jail, assault, depression and desperation. It's not taking it's toll on me yet, because it's relatively recent, so I still have a decent amount of stamina left, but still it's hard to be on the outside of the issue. I often don't know what to do. Like I mentioned before though, all I can do is pray, and that's not even a last resort - or at least it shouldn't be. And then I'm also confused of why I am sheltered from all this? Like, I've just been spared from almost all badness that affects most of the people I know. My life's easy, I've got no problems, besides other people's problems. I live in a bubble. Bleeeeh, I don't know. Frustrated.
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